Reading

It's such a simple, yet complex thing. Try to imagine the world without books or magazines. Yeah, it would be worse than it is now. I know not everyone agrees with me on this, but reading is actually a huge part of my life. No matter what change you're going through in life or how terrible you're feeling, books always stay the same. You can't edit them, you can't change the words. It's like different worlds, all frozen in time. Whether it's fiction or nonfiction, fantasy or facts, it doesn't change. Maybe that's why I love books so much. I'm going through such a hard time in my life right now and ever since I started reading again, I feel more whole. Honestly, this world sucks. It's sad though, but I really do hate it. It's filled with crimes and half the world only seems to care about themselves. I sure as heck don't enjoy it here, but books make it more bearable. Know why? They're their own world. While war is going on right now in the world, peace is going on in a book. It's just like dreaming; it's an escape. Sure, it isn't real, but why can't we pretend that it is? I may read different books from everyone else, but to me, it's a way to get away from this life. I can pick up my favorite book and fall in love with Ben and Camelia. And when I finish, I get to read it again and fall in love with them even more. Sometimes, I have to remind myself that it's just a book and it isn't real life, no matter how much I wish it was. Lots of books are far-fetched, yes. But so what? Wouldn't you rather like to take a break from this place and go to a place where love is perfect and friends are always there for you? Going through a heartbreak? Pick up Blue Is For Nightmares, pretend you're Stacey, and fall in love with Jacob. Sure, he's fictional. But there are guys out there who are amazing like him and you'll start to feel better. Feeling bored? Pick up Jenny Green's Killer Junior Year and you'll be entertained for hours. Just feeling depressed? Pick up Pretty Little Liars and get sucked into the lives of Aria, Spencer, Emily, and Hannah. It's just that easy. I don't understand people who hate reading. But hey, they're just missing out. Books are the best medicine for anything, you just have to have an open mind. It's totally worth it.

A Huge Thank You to Everyone♥

Before I go to bed tonight, I would just like to write about the most recent thing that happened in my life. A couple weeks ago, my parents told my brother and I that they were getting a divorce. Sure, I was expecting it, but it hit me like a brick wall. Yes, I know it happens to many people, but I never wanted it to happen to me. My whole life is changing right before my eyes and there isn't a single thing I can do about it. My house is probably going to get sold and I'm going to end up switching between two apartments, which can lead to many other problems that I never thought I'd face. Pretty much as soon as my life started to build back up, a huge weight dropped on my shoulders and brought me right back down. Things were getting worse, but I was trying to stay strong for my brother and continue to progress with my positivity. We all know that I am a huge HootOwl and I have many friends in this fandom who mean the world to me. There are quite a few of them who get me through so much and I do not know what I would do without them. Recently, I became friends with a lovely girl named Madeline and a wonderful boy named Dylan (whom I've known for a while now). They are both some of the most amazing people I have ever met in my life, really. Anyone who follows me on Twitter, knows everything that has been going on for the most part. These two friends have been there for me throughout my sad times and have always cheered me up; along with some other friends like Christiane, Nele (two of my best friends in the entire world), Kelsey, and many more sweet people. They have all cheered me up at some point and it means so much to me. Well, Dylan texted me one day, mentioning something about a surprise. I wasn't sure what he was talking about and he wouldn't give me a single hint, so I just waited to see what would happen. Last night I was sitting with my friend in the car when I got a call from him. "Have you checked Twitter recently?" he asked me. I didn't have Internet at the moment, so my friend let me use her phone to check it. When I looked, I couldn't believe my eyes. Jasper (the guitarist from the Owl City tour band) tweeted me out of nowhere saying that he was praying for me and to remind me that God was with me. "Hi Kayla- Just wanted to see how you were doing and let you know that I just said a prayer for you. Know that God is with you in whatever you're going through right now." Those are the exact words that he said to me. I was just taken away by it all. Apparently Dylan and Madeline (and I was told that a couple other HootOwls helped as well) somehow contacted him and I guess told him that things haven't been well for me. I'm literally tearing up right now just thinking about it. He was praying for me. I still can't believe it. It just takes my breath away to think that I have such amazing friends that would do something like that for me. It hit me then that I really do have people who care about me. Just to know that people would go out of their way to contact someone extremely important and have him personally talk to me... I honestly don't even know what to say. I'm speechless. Anyways, the whole point of this story is that no matter what is going on in anyone's life, someone is always there to help. Whether they live nearby or not, they care about you. In a way, I seriously think Twitter has been a serious life saver. Without it, I wouldn't have met hardly any of my wonderful friends. You always hear how people say "Don't talk to strangers over the Internet. They can't be trusted." Well, I would like to speak to those people and tell them that it's not always true. Somehow, by being myself, I met some people over the Internet who I wouldn't want to ever lose. Even though I haven't personally met any of my HootOwl friends I met online, I trust them. They are amazing people and without them, who knows where I'd be. So, I know I've said this a million times, but Dylan and Madeline (and anyone else who helped), if you're reading this, THANK YOU. I can't explain how happy it made me and my family. They were so happy to hear all about it. And to think that someone would do that out of kindness and not ask for anything in return. People like them are true friends. I apologize for all this thanking and ranting because it proabably gets really old, but you mean everything to me and I hope I can be here for you as much as you have been for me. And while I'm at it, thank you Christiane for being my best friend, fangirling with me, and always cheering me up and letting me come to you to vent. You always know the right things to say.<3 Thank you Nele for your kind words, the fangirling moments, and the times where we vented about everything and decided we were pretty much sisters. Thank you Matty for being so sweet to me all the time, always being there for me, and making me laugh and blush. Thank you Ethan for being one of the most amazing people I've ever met in my life and even though things didn't work out too well for us, I hope we will always stay friends because you mean a lot to me. Thank you Kathy for always making me laugh, being an amazing friend, and spending a lot of time cheering me up and finding amazing videos and pictures to make me smile. Thank you Elaina for being the best bro ever in the entire world, fangirling with me about more than just Owl City, and making me laugh all the time. Thank you Kelsey for always making me smile with your kind words and being so nice to me about my photography. Thank you Erieka for being one of the sweetest people ever and complimenting me all the time, when really, you're the beautiful and lovely one. Thank you Nadine for making me laugh and always being so sweet to me. Thank you Marielis for being such a sweet person and freaking out with me about the upcoming concerts. I cannot wait to meet you!! Thank you Roselle for being so nice and always talking about Adam with me because it always cheers me up. Thank you Kara for being so awesome and wonderful to me and I can't wait to see you again because you always make me smile. Thank you Marlene for being so sweet and trusting me by letting me come into your life and even though we don't talk too much, I feel like we kind of have each other's backs in a way and that makes me happy. Thank you Sasha for freaking out with me when Adam tweeted both of us at different times, for being an amazing friend to me, and for being so super sweet. Thank you Greer for being one of my really good friends, fangirling with me all the time, and for always being there for me as well and I've missed talking to you. Thank you Cassie for talking to me about lots of things because we seem to have almost EVERYTHING in common (which is crazy!) and being so nice! Thank you Sarah for making me laugh and lot, talking about Adam with me all the time, and being so kind to me. Thank you Rebecca for being one of the nicest people I've ever met and always looking out for me. Thank you Meri for always being there for me, fangirling over other singers/bands that we like, and being so sweet and kind. Thank you Emelie for being so kind to me and fangirling with me all the time. Thank you Olivia for making me cry from laughter, being so kind to me even though we haven't talked in forever, and just being one of the coolest people in the whole world. Thank you Samuel for always cheering me up and making me think more positive about things and being such a nice person. Thank you Simon for being so inspirational and sweet to me when it comes to my photography. Thank you Maja for being so sweet, even though we don't talk too much. And of course, thank you Madeline and Dylan for being amazing people, always cheering me up with anything, and doing all of that for me. And thank you Adam. If I never listened to your music, I seriously doubt that I would even still be here because I wouldn't have fallen in love with you or met all of these amazing people. I love you. I'm sure I missed a couple people (WHICH I AM SO SORRY FOR), but you get the point. Without you guys, I am nothing. So, I think I am done being annoying with my many thanks. I love you and goodnight<3

Bright Light Up Ahead

There comes a time when you finally get over something. You finally realize that you want a change in your life; for the better. I felt it a few days ago, it just hit me. I want to be happy. I'm done being the sad and depressed person I once was. I want to wake up with a smile on my face and make something out of myself. I want to go to bed thinking about all the things I want to accomplish the next day. I want to be my old self. And finally, I am. Changing myself to a more positive figure actually isn't taking as much effort as I thought I needed. I spent months being a downer on myself and I reached a point where I didn't really care what happened to myself. Everyday was a boring routine to myself and I never looked forward to almost anything. I found myself dwelling on the past. The past was over and I needed to realize that. So, instead of being the optimistic kid I used to be, I spent many afternoons crying over nothing. I never actually thought that I could change my future and make it better. I just cried and hated myself. Those months turned into a year. And that year turned into two. There were some days I felt like I was getting better, but then I went right back to where I was. I was taking one step forward, and two steps back. I missed the old me. If you asked anyone, they wouldn't even know that I'd changed from before. Everyday I went to school or went out with friends was an act. Everyday, I put on a mask and pretended that everything was okay. I hated doing that. I hated not having anyone really to talk to because that's not something you can really tell someone. I'm sure if you asked someone now, they wouldn't know the difference. My parents hardly knew. Only the fact that I would lock myself in my room for hours. I never really was into self harm that much; it was more of a self pity. And that pity turned into anger. Which caused me to constantly get mad at anyone for no reason at all. Looking back on those times, I really wish I would have done something else about it and I can't believe it's taken me this long to finally do something about it. Tidal Wave is a song that used to somewhat give me hope and I think that's the main reason I started to feel like a more optimistic person. One song. That's all it took. I never really sat down and analyzed the words and the power that it gives to listeners. Until about a week ago. I really thought about myself. Why would I want to keep living like that? Was I just going to live in despair forever? Finally, it hit me. I have to be the change I want in myself. Sitting there crying is going to do nothing about it. If I want to be happier, I have to make myself happier. I had to take action. Instead of thinking of all of the things I was unhappy with in my life, I started thinking of all of the positive things. I was sick of being depressed. There's so much I want in life that I didn't even realize it until I thought about it. Ever since then, I've felt so much better. Sure, I'll always have some days where I feel that my life sucks and things aren't going the way I want it to. That happens. Sometimes you need something hard to hit you so you can deal with it and overcome those feelings. That's what I finally did. I regret the amount of time it took me to realize that life isn't always bad and good things do come out of it. But it's better to start now than never. I want to cherish this last year and a half I have of being a teenager, because it doesn't last forever. I can finally be my happy self again and I can wake up thinking about the many things I get to do because I have finally made the change in myself. (By the way, making a bucket list was one of the first things I did and it really helps to keep you focused on accomplishing goals you never thought you would want.) And so I would like to thank (again) Adam Randal Young. For everything. For finally letting me overcome my depressed state, even though it took some time. This year, I'm celebrating 3 years of falling in love with him and his music. I finally sat down and understood the meanings of his songs and that's what got me through everything. Without him, who knows where I'd be. And I owe him so much because I'm finally the person I want to be. I never thought I'd say this, but I like myself and where I am. I like living.

Rising and Shining

So, I actually wrote this a few months ago... Let me know what you think of it:) Christiane has been the only other person to read it and I finally got the courage to post it. It weirds me out a little bit that I have a very cheesy, romantic side to me. Hope it's not too bad!
         
Music leads you to make lots of decisions when you think about it. It’s strange; the different kinds of emotions that certain songs, artists, or lyrics can cause you to feel; happiness, sadness, bliss, or even anger. Songs can remind you of memories that you wish you could forget or moments that you always want to remember. Adam Young is basically my music idol. My whole world sometimes revolves around him and he means so much to me. I’d do anything to give him a hug and thank him for everything, including saving my life. He finally gave me a reason to live and I couldn’t love him more for that. But there’s this artist that I’ve fallen in love with a few months ago called Sailship. He reminds me of Adam a lot, like his voice and kind of electronic music. It’s totally awesome. But Adam is still number one forever to me. A lot of his songs, though, remind me of certain things, are so beautiful that it makes me tear up sometimes, and make me really sit down and think about my life. This song called “Rising and Shining” really made me finally decide the way I wish to die, (kind of a weird topic, but it makes sense in my head) even though it doesn’t matter because it’s never a choice and I have no idea when or how it really is going to happen. But in my mind, I have a vision of how I want everything to go down. I mean, no one really wants to die (not anymore for me) but when it happens, I want it to be like this, a fairytale almost. (Okay, I’m not suicidal, but I just think this would be really romantic) The song lyrics go like “I dreamt what the end of the world had prepared, as buildings sank into the ground, you were there. “I hoped you would be here” you said and you smiled. “I’ve been down here waiting for quite a while.” I took you in my arms (you looked in my eyes). We danced as the moon fell apart in the sky. There was a strange sound (we watched the world fall away). We brought back the life that awaits when we awake. “It sounds dreary, but when I think about it, I picture it wonderful sight. I imagine myself there with someone I love, dancing together under nothing but the stars. We waltz together in our Onitsukas through an open forest, the treetops shedding their autumn leaves as the fireflies dance around us to the beats of our hearts and “Vanilla Twilight” by Owl City that softly plays from somewhere unknown in the distance. We can see the moon as it slowly falls apart and crashes to the Earth around us. Comets and asteroids soar through the air and plummet to the surface. The chaos is louder than thunder, but all we hear is each other’s’ laughter and nervous giggles. Even though the temperature is warm, snow begins to slowly fall, adding beauty to the world below, despite the horrid sight. The evening breeze sends snowflakes into our hair, which shines in the fading moonlight. It falls atop a gazebo and the stream that flows near our feet. He twirls me around in a beautiful sparkling, cerulean, blue dress, which poofs out around the waist and stops right above my knees. Crickets chirp in the distance as the world falls apart, completely unaware of the fate about to approach. We both realize what is going on, but we don’t pay attention to any of it. Our eyes are locked on each other’s. My eyes don’t dare look away from his beautiful, dark ones. That’s the last thing I want to see before I die. Before I close mine for that very last moment. His smile makes my insides melt and I can’t help but notice how adorable he looks in his jeans and sweater vest. He leans in to kiss me gently and I embrace him in a hug, tears starting to fall down our faces. At least we were together. I would die in his arms tonight, but I would be with him. As he swirls me around the forest, he slowly pulls me down with him to the ground and before I know it, we’re lying side by side; the spaces between my fingers are right where his fit perfectly. We finally stargaze; the moment I’ve been waiting for forever. The stars are different shades of the rainbow, all sparkling in different tempos. He points out the constellations and tells me how I’m more beautiful than they could ever be. I shed a tear and blush, but he doesn’t notice it in the dark of the night. We sit up to take in one final moment of the world; the burning city below us, the wildflowers that are still in bloom, the mushroom clouds disappearing, our sighs that are harmonized. He whispers something in my ear, which catches me off guard. I say it back, “I love you.” Just three simple words that make my insides turn to mush. Those three words are the last ones I will ever speak. And the last words that I will ever hear. Those last three words take my breath away. We don’t even notice the forest fire approaching us or the meteors that land closer and closer to us each moment. He grabs me and holds me to him tightly so we never part, even after our first life ends. He kisses me, harder this time. The last moment I close my eyes. The last glimpse of this life that I ever see are his eyes. That sparkle he had in them; that genuine look. We never let go. Finally, a tidal wave crashes over us and we’re sent off tumbling, our arms still intertwined. That’s how I want it to go. Spend my last moments with someone I love so much. I know it won’t happen like that (not even close), but I can always hope that one day I’ll find someone remotely similar to what I picture. This song is absolutely perfect and it’s crazy how much creativity can come out of a song. Someday, I’ll meet someone who would love to do something like this with me; dancing in the moonlight. Until now, I’ll sit at home being a crazy HootOwl while I wait patiently for whoever it is that will be in my much later future. “You’ll see tomorrow before me.”<3

Understanding

Sometimes, it’s really hard to understand the way people feel about others. For instance, I don’t understand how my mom can still love my annoying brother. Of course I’m only kidding. The main difficulty in my life is trying to get people to understand my love for Adam Young from Owl City. To me, he’s not just another person. In my eyes, he’s as close to perfect as you can get. And finally, after years of trying to convince people how much I love him, I simply have to accept the fact that no one does. I wonder why I spent so much time updating my Facebook status and Twitter to lyrics from his songs or fangirling over him by myself, since I don’t know anyone who lives near me who shares the love for him like I do. I draw his name over everything and even base my answers to problems because of him; one of those “What would Adam do?” There really are no words to describe how much I love him, it is literally impossible. There are not enough character spaces on Microsoft Word to explain. To me, it doesn’t matter how much Adam Young stuff you have; sure I have TONS. But it’s about what you tell yourself inside and how you act. I have already proven to myself that I am extremely obsessed and I realized it has gone far, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to change anything. Being a teenager is really hard, but Adam’s music was there for me when others weren’t. It’s one of those things that you have to experience in order to understand. I face life everyday knowing that I’m an outcast and I was never proud of myself, until that one day I heard Fireflies on my friend’s iPod before they played it on the radio. I just had to hear more of him. And now look at me; I can’t go a day without listening to him. Sure, other people might be in my situation. But no one will understand my problems down to a T. That’s the reason why I love Adam so much. He’s a Christian, so full of optimism, and absolutely gorgeous. He makes me feel better no matter what the issues are. And if you’re reading this, you’re probably thinking I’m some psycho-fan, but you truly don’t understand my feelings for him. And one day, I hope to look him in the eyes and have him see my tears fall and tell him how much of a positive impact he has made on my life. He is one of the most important people in my life and no matter WHAT you tell me, I will always be that shy girl in the corner reading a book and listening to his music. I will be the one that cries her eyes out at his concerts and who could talk your ears off about him non-stop, yet not say a word in school. And for once in my life, I’m proud of who I am and how Adam changed my life forever. So, Mr. Young, if you ever read this, I would be forever greatful and pretty embarrassed. I might not ever know it, but if I did, I would be shaking like a wet dog in the middle of a winter blizzard in Owatonna, MN. I love you.

A Dream Within a Dream

I decided to write something happier this time for my next post, since it's been a few months since I last wrote something. I just wanted to talk about how excited I am for this summer! This school year has not been the greatest, and I think I speak for many when I say that it's time for a break! Ohio is a dream. It is pretty much the best state in the world (Minnesota is of course an exception because my dear future husband Adam Randal Young lives there). For the past couple years, I have travelled there to visit my family whom I get to see about two times a year. We start out the adventure in Columbus and do everything imagineable there; going to eat at restaurants and shopping galore, along with making videos with my cousins. Columbus is actually really different from the town I live in and I'd actually like to share with you more about it and the other town that I visit because they truly are wonderful and beautiful places. Columbus sounds like a normal, busy city with crowds of people walking to work and traffic jams that back up the road for miles. That is pretty much right some of the times, but when you are on vacation, of course everything is a fun adventure! My grandparents live in the suburbs just outside of Columbus, so pretty much either way you turn, there are restaurants lined down the streets. Here at home, I'm used to going out to eat maybe once or twice a month if I'm lucky, but when I'm with my grandparents and cousins, we go out to eat pretty much everyday. You are probably thinking that it gets old after a while, but honestly, I can't say I've ever laughed more in my life. You can't forget the shopping trips to the Easton Mall or Half-Price Bookstore though. When I'm not out shopping or eating, I'm at my grandparents' house with my cousins making stupid videos that leave us crying with laughter. I think my most favorite part about their house though, is the backyard. Their yard is definitely a lot bigger than ours (living in a random neighborhood in Florida is not the best location in the world...) and there are countless, thin trees lined up. Just behind the trees is a small creek, which flows all the way down different neighborhoods. When we were younger, it was a great place to wade in and try to catch little minnows with our hands, but now that we're older, I like to spend the evenings sitting on the swing and listening to the water as it flows over the rocks and the cicadas buzzing in the small patch of woods behind the creek (Who am I kidding? Of course we still spend afternoons trying to catch the minnows). Even in the middle of a city, there is still a place for nature and with my dream as a wildlife photographer, it is absolutely beautiful. After spending about a week there, I travel to my other grandparents' house in a small town in eastern Ohio that hardly anyone knows about and they have neighbors who live miles away from them (Which is one extreme to the other). Their house and the land that they own with it is still and always will be one of the most beautiful sights I have ever laid my eyes on. It's one of those places in an Owl City song that you wish you could zap yourself to and imagine Adam being there to greet you. It's really that gorgeous. Everyday, I walk out and take pictures of the same things over and over again; each time producing a new outcome. There house is a quaint, little house that sits on top of a hill in the middle of nowhere and every now and then, you hear a car driving up the road from down below. When you drive up the road, you are greeted by acres and acres of farmland and woods that stretch on and on. One of my most favorite things to do up there is sit on the back porch and listen to the wind blow on the windchimes while the wrens tweet little songs and the hummingbirds zoom past each other, fighting for the sugar water. The flowers blow in the breeze and if you look off to the left, you see the tops of trees from the hills surrounding the house. To your right, there is even more land with more woods that we enjoy riding the fourwheeler in. Looking straight across, you can see an abandoned log cabin with even more trees. If someone left me stranded there with my camera, I would be the most content person in the entire world. If you walk around to the front of the house, you see (you guessed it) more land. During the day, we like to drive down to the creeks there and skip rocks and catch fish, hike in the woods to encounter new species of trees and bugs, stand on top of the old oil well and take in all of the surrounding beauty, and even take a trip down to the local gas station and eat home-made ice cream. Even though at night it can be pretty terrifying without any city lights, it is one of the most beautiful times to be there. Where I live, lightning bugs do not exist, which is extremely sad because I find them absolutely breath-taking (Yes, I have always thought this before "Fireflies" came out) and when you drive around at night, the fields are literally glowing with them. I've always wanted to just take off my shoes and run through the fields of gold with the wind blowing my hair and have the lightning bugs twirl around me. Instead, we just catch them in my grandparents' yard, which is still really fun. Then, I like to lay out in the grass at night and stargaze. I have never seen so many stars in my life than when I am up on that hill in the middle of nowhere. The shooting stars are endless and I hope that one day, I could be so lucky as to get a picture of one. Afterwards, it's back inside for us to start the day all over again. *So, that's pretty much it. I could keep going into detail, but I realized that this is already way too long for someone to read and actually enjoy. Ohio truly is a phenomenal place and I hope that someday, others can see that. I will definitely take more pictures when I go up this summer and hopefilly others can really see the beauty that I see.

Lonely Lullaby

Basically if you have heard this song by Owl City, there is no explanation necessary for a blog. But since almost all of the people I know don't like him, I might as well tell the story of the saddness I recently felt. There's always that one person who meant the world to you and you loved them for them. They will always at least have some of your heart, just because they used to own all of it. They told you they loved you, they said that you were their heart. They quoted your favorite songs with you and shared the likes of many. They texted you every night despite their busy schedule just to remind you how amazing you were and that you were a dream come true to them. They would blush when you talked to them and told you how perfect you were. And he called me his darling. Those words get me everytime. I just wish there was some way I could go back to that, back to the unbearable days at school, only to come home to see the messages from him. The only things that made me smile. It's hard to even think that it was real because it's not everyday when I get someone almost perfect to love me. Of course, it's always deceiving. After months of talking to the most wonderful person I had met at the time, (and now still) I come to find us completely separated and never talking. The worst thing you could imagine happened and he moved on. But I didn't. I didn't for a long time. It hurt, but I knew that no matter what, if he was happy with some girl, then I would be happy for him. He deserves happiness no matter how much it killed me inside. I still haven't completely forgotten about him and probably never will. But I'm stronger now. It wasn't easy, but when you have a best friend like Christiane, it's hard NOT to feel better. She was one of the only people to give advice or even care about the thoughts that I vented on and on about to her. And I know that she will always have my back, like I have hers. Sure I'll always miss him and how perfect he was... is. All I can remember is that if it didn't work out, this is not the plan that God has for me and He must be waiting to put someone new in my life. He'll always mean so much to me, but more as a friend now. But like the great Adam once said "But now those lonely lullabies just dampen my tired eyes, because I can't forget you, because I can't forget you..." However, he also said "There's a bright light up ahead and help is on the way." And help will come.♥

Brief Welcome

Hi! I guess this means you're reading my blog! I've never had one before, so I'll try to keep up with this and figure it out! Basically, I write about things happening in my life or things I WISH could happen in my life, hence the name of my blog. As I post more blogs, you can probably find out a lot about me, like the fact that I'm a complete nature freak and I use metaphors from Owl City songs. I've had my heart broken a couple times, but I'll live and that's what makes me stronger. I write pretty deep, but I hope everyone enjoys it!^__^