Understanding

Sometimes, it’s really hard to understand the way people feel about others. For instance, I don’t understand how my mom can still love my annoying brother. Of course I’m only kidding. The main difficulty in my life is trying to get people to understand my love for Adam Young from Owl City. To me, he’s not just another person. In my eyes, he’s as close to perfect as you can get. And finally, after years of trying to convince people how much I love him, I simply have to accept the fact that no one does. I wonder why I spent so much time updating my Facebook status and Twitter to lyrics from his songs or fangirling over him by myself, since I don’t know anyone who lives near me who shares the love for him like I do. I draw his name over everything and even base my answers to problems because of him; one of those “What would Adam do?” There really are no words to describe how much I love him, it is literally impossible. There are not enough character spaces on Microsoft Word to explain. To me, it doesn’t matter how much Adam Young stuff you have; sure I have TONS. But it’s about what you tell yourself inside and how you act. I have already proven to myself that I am extremely obsessed and I realized it has gone far, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to change anything. Being a teenager is really hard, but Adam’s music was there for me when others weren’t. It’s one of those things that you have to experience in order to understand. I face life everyday knowing that I’m an outcast and I was never proud of myself, until that one day I heard Fireflies on my friend’s iPod before they played it on the radio. I just had to hear more of him. And now look at me; I can’t go a day without listening to him. Sure, other people might be in my situation. But no one will understand my problems down to a T. That’s the reason why I love Adam so much. He’s a Christian, so full of optimism, and absolutely gorgeous. He makes me feel better no matter what the issues are. And if you’re reading this, you’re probably thinking I’m some psycho-fan, but you truly don’t understand my feelings for him. And one day, I hope to look him in the eyes and have him see my tears fall and tell him how much of a positive impact he has made on my life. He is one of the most important people in my life and no matter WHAT you tell me, I will always be that shy girl in the corner reading a book and listening to his music. I will be the one that cries her eyes out at his concerts and who could talk your ears off about him non-stop, yet not say a word in school. And for once in my life, I’m proud of who I am and how Adam changed my life forever. So, Mr. Young, if you ever read this, I would be forever greatful and pretty embarrassed. I might not ever know it, but if I did, I would be shaking like a wet dog in the middle of a winter blizzard in Owatonna, MN. I love you.

A Dream Within a Dream

I decided to write something happier this time for my next post, since it's been a few months since I last wrote something. I just wanted to talk about how excited I am for this summer! This school year has not been the greatest, and I think I speak for many when I say that it's time for a break! Ohio is a dream. It is pretty much the best state in the world (Minnesota is of course an exception because my dear future husband Adam Randal Young lives there). For the past couple years, I have travelled there to visit my family whom I get to see about two times a year. We start out the adventure in Columbus and do everything imagineable there; going to eat at restaurants and shopping galore, along with making videos with my cousins. Columbus is actually really different from the town I live in and I'd actually like to share with you more about it and the other town that I visit because they truly are wonderful and beautiful places. Columbus sounds like a normal, busy city with crowds of people walking to work and traffic jams that back up the road for miles. That is pretty much right some of the times, but when you are on vacation, of course everything is a fun adventure! My grandparents live in the suburbs just outside of Columbus, so pretty much either way you turn, there are restaurants lined down the streets. Here at home, I'm used to going out to eat maybe once or twice a month if I'm lucky, but when I'm with my grandparents and cousins, we go out to eat pretty much everyday. You are probably thinking that it gets old after a while, but honestly, I can't say I've ever laughed more in my life. You can't forget the shopping trips to the Easton Mall or Half-Price Bookstore though. When I'm not out shopping or eating, I'm at my grandparents' house with my cousins making stupid videos that leave us crying with laughter. I think my most favorite part about their house though, is the backyard. Their yard is definitely a lot bigger than ours (living in a random neighborhood in Florida is not the best location in the world...) and there are countless, thin trees lined up. Just behind the trees is a small creek, which flows all the way down different neighborhoods. When we were younger, it was a great place to wade in and try to catch little minnows with our hands, but now that we're older, I like to spend the evenings sitting on the swing and listening to the water as it flows over the rocks and the cicadas buzzing in the small patch of woods behind the creek (Who am I kidding? Of course we still spend afternoons trying to catch the minnows). Even in the middle of a city, there is still a place for nature and with my dream as a wildlife photographer, it is absolutely beautiful. After spending about a week there, I travel to my other grandparents' house in a small town in eastern Ohio that hardly anyone knows about and they have neighbors who live miles away from them (Which is one extreme to the other). Their house and the land that they own with it is still and always will be one of the most beautiful sights I have ever laid my eyes on. It's one of those places in an Owl City song that you wish you could zap yourself to and imagine Adam being there to greet you. It's really that gorgeous. Everyday, I walk out and take pictures of the same things over and over again; each time producing a new outcome. There house is a quaint, little house that sits on top of a hill in the middle of nowhere and every now and then, you hear a car driving up the road from down below. When you drive up the road, you are greeted by acres and acres of farmland and woods that stretch on and on. One of my most favorite things to do up there is sit on the back porch and listen to the wind blow on the windchimes while the wrens tweet little songs and the hummingbirds zoom past each other, fighting for the sugar water. The flowers blow in the breeze and if you look off to the left, you see the tops of trees from the hills surrounding the house. To your right, there is even more land with more woods that we enjoy riding the fourwheeler in. Looking straight across, you can see an abandoned log cabin with even more trees. If someone left me stranded there with my camera, I would be the most content person in the entire world. If you walk around to the front of the house, you see (you guessed it) more land. During the day, we like to drive down to the creeks there and skip rocks and catch fish, hike in the woods to encounter new species of trees and bugs, stand on top of the old oil well and take in all of the surrounding beauty, and even take a trip down to the local gas station and eat home-made ice cream. Even though at night it can be pretty terrifying without any city lights, it is one of the most beautiful times to be there. Where I live, lightning bugs do not exist, which is extremely sad because I find them absolutely breath-taking (Yes, I have always thought this before "Fireflies" came out) and when you drive around at night, the fields are literally glowing with them. I've always wanted to just take off my shoes and run through the fields of gold with the wind blowing my hair and have the lightning bugs twirl around me. Instead, we just catch them in my grandparents' yard, which is still really fun. Then, I like to lay out in the grass at night and stargaze. I have never seen so many stars in my life than when I am up on that hill in the middle of nowhere. The shooting stars are endless and I hope that one day, I could be so lucky as to get a picture of one. Afterwards, it's back inside for us to start the day all over again. *So, that's pretty much it. I could keep going into detail, but I realized that this is already way too long for someone to read and actually enjoy. Ohio truly is a phenomenal place and I hope that someday, others can see that. I will definitely take more pictures when I go up this summer and hopefilly others can really see the beauty that I see.

Lonely Lullaby

Basically if you have heard this song by Owl City, there is no explanation necessary for a blog. But since almost all of the people I know don't like him, I might as well tell the story of the saddness I recently felt. There's always that one person who meant the world to you and you loved them for them. They will always at least have some of your heart, just because they used to own all of it. They told you they loved you, they said that you were their heart. They quoted your favorite songs with you and shared the likes of many. They texted you every night despite their busy schedule just to remind you how amazing you were and that you were a dream come true to them. They would blush when you talked to them and told you how perfect you were. And he called me his darling. Those words get me everytime. I just wish there was some way I could go back to that, back to the unbearable days at school, only to come home to see the messages from him. The only things that made me smile. It's hard to even think that it was real because it's not everyday when I get someone almost perfect to love me. Of course, it's always deceiving. After months of talking to the most wonderful person I had met at the time, (and now still) I come to find us completely separated and never talking. The worst thing you could imagine happened and he moved on. But I didn't. I didn't for a long time. It hurt, but I knew that no matter what, if he was happy with some girl, then I would be happy for him. He deserves happiness no matter how much it killed me inside. I still haven't completely forgotten about him and probably never will. But I'm stronger now. It wasn't easy, but when you have a best friend like Christiane, it's hard NOT to feel better. She was one of the only people to give advice or even care about the thoughts that I vented on and on about to her. And I know that she will always have my back, like I have hers. Sure I'll always miss him and how perfect he was... is. All I can remember is that if it didn't work out, this is not the plan that God has for me and He must be waiting to put someone new in my life. He'll always mean so much to me, but more as a friend now. But like the great Adam once said "But now those lonely lullabies just dampen my tired eyes, because I can't forget you, because I can't forget you..." However, he also said "There's a bright light up ahead and help is on the way." And help will come.♥

Brief Welcome

Hi! I guess this means you're reading my blog! I've never had one before, so I'll try to keep up with this and figure it out! Basically, I write about things happening in my life or things I WISH could happen in my life, hence the name of my blog. As I post more blogs, you can probably find out a lot about me, like the fact that I'm a complete nature freak and I use metaphors from Owl City songs. I've had my heart broken a couple times, but I'll live and that's what makes me stronger. I write pretty deep, but I hope everyone enjoys it!^__^